What does God want from me?

So here’s where I stand. I was created with a purpose. Everyone is. This implies several things. First, let me say that it means I have a creator. As Saint Paul writes to the church at Colosse, “all things were created by Him and for Him,” that “Him” being Jesus Christ, the Son of God. “For Him.” That brings me to my second point. I was created with a purpose. The primary characteristic of this purpose is that the purpose is not mine, but His. I do have a purpose for my life. However, this purpose did not originate with me or in me. It originated with God Himself. Again, Paul writes to the Thessalonians, “Our purpose is to please God.” Many times in Scripture I read of how God knew me before the world was made, how he formed me personally in my mother’s womb, how he called me before I even took my first breath. Not only do I have a calling from God that I am to walk in and obey, but I was also born with this calling. Even more astounding, I was created because of it!

This revelation is at once encouraging and frustrating. At first, I see that, yes, I do have someone to live for, a reason for existence. I don’t have to live in mediocrity. I don’t need to bother with unfulfilling pursuits. I am somebody. My life will count. Then I realize how utterly in the dark I am about who I am and what I’m supposed to do. After all, God’s the one who has a purpose for my life. So far, he hasn’t come straight out and told me what it is. What does God want from me? That seems to be to operative question. I can look to His Word. I have. I do. But I find little of the specifics in there. There’s no section in there called “My plan for Shawn’s life.” So what am I to do?

I believe there is an answer. Jesus said, “Follow me.” That’s the answer. Follow Him. It really is that simply. And that hard. Simple, because all we have to do is what Mary did when Jesus came to visit. She did the one thing that was necessary: she sat at Jesus’ feet. She listened to what he said. She enjoyed time with her friend and Lord. They engaged in conversation. They cultivated that relationship. Mary knew more and more who Jesus was, his personality and character, what he would think of her in any given situation. She knew Him. She loved Him. She made Him her purpose.

For Whom was I created? Whose purpose am I to fulfill? I can only attempt to be fulfilled in my existence if I diligently seek Him. In all situations, temptations, with any question I may have, I must come to Him. He is the Author and Perfector of my faith, of my very existence.

Being a Christian helps tremendously in my quest for identity and searching out my purpose. In becoming a Christian I have become a new creation. I am a child of God. I am an ambassador of the truth. This is incredibly freeing. Knowing who I am, I now have no worries of what I should do. I have already established that I follow Christ. So I simply go where He leads at any given moment. And now that I have established who I am, the question of what I do is answered. Wherever I am, I live as a child of God, holy, and an ambassador of truth, sharing the gospel.

There are other implications as well. If I was created with a purpose by the same God who created this universe in which every element work together as it does, then there must be certain characteristics and abilities bestowed upon me which are directly related and particularly suited to God’s purpose for my life. This is not to say that my availability is not just as important as my ability, if not more so. (Even with every endowment in place, if I were busy about my own agenda I would be of little or no use to God who could just as well find and equip someone else to accomplish his purposes.) Seeing that I would naturally have been equipped, even from conception in the mind of God with certain gifts, I could conceivably find clues to my God-given purpose by means of simply assessing who and how I am.

Now, I have a purpose given by God. To fulfill it, I must follow Christ. To hinder it, all I have to do is go my own way and do my own thing. That’s sin. And that’s why sin is sin. Sin hinders both my relationship to God and, thus, my fulfilling His purposes for my life. My sin can also hamper someone else for these same things.

So here’s my dilemma. Have I reduced Christianity to something less or other than it really is? Have I taken my own theories and made Christianity fit them? Or have I simply made my intellectual leanings fit into Christianity. Do my philosophies and Christian theology mix at all? Have I reduced my beliefs to some sort of quest for self-actualization? Surely, these are not the extent of my beliefs. Jesus is central. Worship and reverence vital. But in trying to make sense of my own life have I oversimplified and compartmentalized my religion as well? In short, does “I was created with a purpose,” along with all of my inferences, hold water? Can I hold to these beliefs and still say I have resolved to know nothing else except Jesus Christ and Him crucified?

"I Have Lost My Vision"

I have suffered loss
I was not to blame
That’s the way life is.
Sometimes we face pain.
We feel emptiness
We think life is vain
We don’t see the promise
That comes within the rain.

But then you show me
My reason for living.
And then you give me
A hope fore today
I am not bound by
The things I am seeing
Forgetting the past I make room for today

"What Would You Say?"

Genuine and pure are my feelings for you.
Who could ask for more than just who you are.
I think you feel much the same way as I do.
I’ll take you to lunch and I’ll drive you in my car.

We could get to talk, know each other better.
I like you a lot so don’t turn me down.
We could stroll the park and just be together,
Or just share our hearts as we drive around.

So what would you say to a lifetime?
I’ll be yours and you’ll be mine.
My heart is yours.
My love is pure.
Won’t you come with me?
We’ll celebrate our dreams!

So precious and dear, girl, you are a treasure.
When you are not near, there’s a missing part.
I’ll promise you this: that our love will endure
You’ll know with each kiss you’re the ruby of my heart.

You are my best friend and I want to know you.
I will not pretend that you’re nothing more
You inspire me to be so much better
By your hopes and dreams, all you’re living for.

So what would you say to a lifetime?
I’ll be yours and you’ll be mine.
My heart is yours.
My love is pure.
Won’t you come with me?
We’ll celebrate our dreams!

(write date undetermined)

Fresh Air: A Reflection on Thomas Merton's Conjectures of an Innocent Bystander

My initial reading of Thomas Merton's Conjectures of an Innocent Bystander leaves me feeling oddly refreshed in perspective, but also nostalgic, unsettled and stirred. Merton seems to have no rhyme to his writing. He makes observations on anything that crosses his mind. But the refreshing thing is that it is insightful, seasoned with intelligence and wisdom. From observation regarding what would normally be a trivial conversation to deep considerations of sacred truthhe covers it all. He's taking notes on life. He's not letting it just happen to him or pass him by. He actively considers life. He fully experiences it. He records those moments of beauty and transcendence so as not to forget and lose them.

I can't help but think that all of Merton's reflection on and relish of life is possible simply because he's a monk. Even if he does believe he should disregard societies ideologies and trappings, could he have done it if not in a monastery? Surely, his lifestyle afforded to him the opportunity to reflect, an opportunity we are hard-pressed to find today (especially in the fast pace of Southern California). He was able to cultivate a habit of simply breathing in and enjoying nature, life and truth.

It reminds me somewhat of earlier years in my life when I was freer. When I explored ideas and issues for the fun, truth and challenge of it. When it wasn't so much work to simply sit, relax, breathe and enjoy a moment. Somehow, with the pursuing of noble things like goals, dreams and callings came the trappings of a hurried life and the infiltration of a warped society's values into my mind. This is disheartening. These trappings and values are not vital to my life or goals. In fact, they hinder them from being satisfactorily accomplished. Slowly, subtly, I got here.

So here I am. In reading Merton, I've caught a glimpse of who I was and always wanted to be. There's something familiar and alluring about the spirit in which he sees the world. And writes. "The air of the outside world is not fresh air," he writes. "Just to break out and walk down the boulevards is no solution. The fresh air we need is the clean breath of the Holy Spirit, coming like the wind, blowing as He pleases." Now, slowly, sweetly, here I go.

for Public Relations at APU circa 2000