Clarity

Let me share a little from my heart. I don’t know about you all, but it has been just a very different week for me. I feel I’m going through a lot of transitions in my life and in my heart—spiritual, emotional, social, the whole bit. I find myself very introspective this week, about who I am, about what I want out of life, and about what God wants out of me.

I started reading Romans yesterday. And I couldn’t get past the first verse: “Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle and set apart for the gospel of God.”

Here, Saint Paul seems to have such a sense of self and purpose. I wondered what would happen if I replaced Paul’s name with my own:

“-----, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be _______________ and set apart for _______________.”

First of all, am I really a servant of God? Am I his slave? In my heart, is He really my master? Then, what am I called to be? What good work has God prepared for me to do?

I am also reminded of the clarity of Jesus in knowing his life mission (Luke 13:32-33, TNIV): “I will keep on driving drive out demons and healing people today and tomorrow, and on the third day I will reach my goal.’ In any case, I must press on today and tomorrow and the next day!”

I’m still asking questions, but this I know. I will grow where I am planted. I have plans and desires in my heart. But the Lord’s will stands and no plan succeeds against the Lord. My part is simply to delight myself in Him, to love Him and serve Him, with all that I am, in everything I do, and to leave the rest to Him. Who I am and what I’m supposed to do are really secondary concerns. The primary issue is my heart towards God. Am I truly, completely His? Do my heart and my life belong to Him? Will I follow where He leads, regardless of how easy or difficult it may get? Or am I going to be stubborn and do whatever I want and somehow expect God to bless me?

Life can bring a lot of confusion, emotions, and transition. Being a Christian doesn’t magically make all things clear. But one thing is clear: we are followers of Christ. He is not only our Savior, but our Lord. And when we follow Him wholeheartedly, everything else falls into place.

My Pride

I admit I was a bear in high school--Calvary Chapel Bears--and part of me will always be. But both in elementary school and at university I was a cougar, a mountain lion. Cougars are creatures of community. They watch each other's backs. If cougars are being attacked they gather in a circle, backs to each other, facing their enemies together. Cougars are cunning night hunters, with keen eyesight and excellent hearing. Instead of chasing their food they prefer using the element of surprise. Stalking their prey at close range, they wait for the right moment to strike.

So I say to Satan, come and get me. I'll will take my stand, on solid, sacred ground--cool, confident, and courageous. I say to the serpent strike. I will pounce on you and crush you under my feet. I say to the foxes of this world, those unwitting minions of the devil, those puppets of demons, and those souls simply misguided who find themselves on the side of sin and selfishness, I say to you come, come one by one, come all at once, but come. Fly at me with fierce fury. I will taste your blood before you touch the ground.

Do your best against me and my pride. It is you who will feel the power of claws cracking your ribs, the terror of teeth tearing your flesh. We will roar and you will shrink back trembling. We will rise up, majestic, in the image of The Lion. Our dignity remains; it will not be defamed. You who seek to steal our splendor will see it soar still, for we are the pride of The Lion of Judah, the king above all kings.