Lost in the Romance

Today I found myself and realized that God doesn't want me to be this person anymore. I visited the Flood, an "emergent" church in San Diego. As I entered it was dark. The new U2 CD was playing in the background. People my age were mulling around, filing in. In the back of the auditorium was a table, not of information about the church but about a special guest band: The Violet Burning. I wasn't sure who to expect, but I wasn't expecting the Violet Burning. They are one of my current and all-time favorite bands, period. When I realized they were leading worship I could not keep the grin from my face. It felt as if God arranged the rendevous just for me. Soon worship was to start and we were getting down to business. The music was loud, raw and emotive. The whole band passionately pounded out their praises. At first I found myself elated that God would give ME the opportunity of sitting under Michael Pritzl and gang as my worship leaders, especially since they have been such an influence for me in forming my own worship leading style. But I had to remind myself that it was about Jesus. Having thusly focused, I soon found myself helpless against the work of the Spirit. I sang of the goodness of God. I reaffirmed my commitment to follow Him wherever He leads, in every facet of my life. I confessed my emptiness before Him and asked Him to fill me. I was reminded, through the preaching, about the need for faith in my life and what it means to both wait patiently and act diligently. And I came face to foot with Jesus on the cross, and the cleansing power of his blood. Weeping before Him, I knew His unfathomable love, forgiveness and restoration again. All this was wonderful, needed and good. It seemed the service was tailor made for me, the music, atmosphere, message, everything. But it helped me to see one thing. Though I met with God, it should not stop there. Christianity is not about me being cared for, but about joining the church in God's mission. In the past (even now) I would have been so content to be spiritually filled. And truly I am satisfied. But I cannot focus inwardly anymore. It is so me to be so self-absorbed, to get lost in my own universe, just me and God. But He is calling me beyond that now. As Saint Peter said, I need to sometimes "repent that time of refreshing may come." And that can be an incredibly personal thing. But my spiritual life must be lived out within the context of a spiritual family. I need to be accountable to them. And we need to be accountable to God to extend His kingdom throughout the earth. It's not about me. It's about Jesus Christ and about what we, His followers, are doing to change the world in His name. I found myself today beneath the cleansing Flood. But life is more than just a romance with the Lord. The cleansing and compassion that I receive needs to find a place in my heart for others.

The Spirit moved!

A friend just wrote me that "as we accept the dare, and move, it's good to know that He who beckons us has our best and the ultimate experience in mind." Is that what we're after? The Ultimate Experience? What would that look like? How would it feel? I can say that today, truly, God gave me a glimpse. I woke up to the wonder of my girlfriend on the phone as she discovered the snow covered ground outside. I greeted my parents as they went out the door to church. As I got ready for church, I got a call from a friend going through some struggles and got to pray with him. I got to church and led a discussion about the evidence for who Jesus is. I sat with my cousins in church, and a newly single and unemployed girl who was worshipping wholeheartedly for the first time in a while. I got to eat with my cousins and talk with them as Christians and not just family (the most wonderful kind of fellowship in the world). I spent the rest of my day at church. I put new strings on my bass for the first time in a year, rehearsed songs, led a worship band, and led our Sunday night service. The Spirit moved. Before service we prayed, not just the band, but the guest pastor and our sound man too. We were the team God assembled. I was expecting a bass player and a keyboardist. But it ended up being the drummer, electric guitarist, and vocalist and me on bass. I have never (skillfully and successfully) led worship or a band whilst playing a bass guitar. I was planning on playing acoustic guitar. But the arrangements came together. And, as the band would attest, there was something different tonight, not the music. The Spirit moved. As the guitarist remarked, it was as if it wasn't him playing. The drummer was inexplicably excited about the worship set. And our vocalist was immersed in the Spirit. I also realized in the middle of our time of worship how God had taken over... I said things I never planned on and they were perfect. The Spirit moved. The guest pastor gave his testimony and gave a call of response in which many were prayed for. It was reminiscent of my old Pentecostal days, but in the American Baptist Church! As I was talking with him about the order of service before, we both let on that we had some charismatic leanings. I guess with our Baptist pastors on vacation we had a little more freedom to follow the leading of the Spirit in that trademark charismatic fashion. We were a good team today. God used us both. And there was even a word of knowledge at the end. The Spirit moved! I got to see my girlfriend today, after two days and and lot of trials in between. As I exited the prayer room she was walking into the sanctuary and I hugged her tight. We went out to eat together, with four others, after church. The fellowship was great, and the food. The Spirit moved! I was able to call her before she fell asleep and tell her how I feel for her, and how I know. The Spirit moved. I checked my email and found one from two friends, one friend from high school and another from college, both encouraging. The friend from high school saying how wonderful of a writer I am, which was rather affirming. Then I remembered the amazing writings of my other friend and was humbled. The Spirit moved. God used me today....God used me! He changed lives through my offering. And He blessed me so much. My cup is running over. The Spirit is moving.

An Old Dog

I am amazed at the way God stretches us. We think we’ve been stretched all we can be stretched. But as soon as we start getting used to the new us—as soon as we think we’ve got it—God puts us in a new situation or drops a new thought in our minds and, whoah, all of a sudden we’re struggling to make sense of life again, to get a handle on things again. And in that process where God shakes up our tidy lives, where he broadens our tiny minds, we remember once again that life is not a destination, it is a (say it with me…) journey. We have not arrived. And the moment you think you have, get ready, because God is about to teach you a lesson.

Don’t get too attached to the way things are or the way they were. God is doing a new thing. He’s always doing something new. He is the Creator, after all, and He’s creative. And he wants us to work with Him creatively. We can’t be stagnant, complacent, satisfied with the way things are, as good as they might seem. Celebrate progress. Mark your milestones. Praise God for what He has done. But realize He’s not done; He’s doing something right now. And He wants to do something through you.

“An idle person tempts the devil to tempt him.” Don’t stop moving forward in your walk with God. You may get weary but don’t give up. There may be rest stops along the way, but don’t unpack your bags. “Get up and pray. Otherwise [the] temptation [to settle for mediocrity in your life] will overpower you.” In any and every case, press on, “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion.”

God is telling you right now what the next step is. I dare you to move.

Seemingly Selfish

I've experienced it: loving, showing affection, giving, though not done in order to be reciprocated, not being returned. I've wondered: why did I open up to begin with, put myself out there, offer an expression of my heart as I did? Did I truly have alterior motives? Was I really being loving if I expected it back? The answers to these questions have led me to conclude that I am selfish. But that is a one-sided answer.

There is a feeling in non-reciprocation, one none of us wants to have. Sure, there's a degree of wanting our needs met, our desires satisfied. But the rub of it is when we care, and we are not necessarily cared for in return. We have no trouble giving of ourselves... because we are not selfish. We are wanting to give to others because we care. However, it is because we care that we begin to care if they care for us. Love, aftection, friendship, all desire mutuality. Human nature expects it, longs for it. We don't care to be cared for by stangers in a WalMart. We want to be wanted by people we want in our lives.

"Rule of Love"

I don’t know. It’s an awful risk, this wonderful mess we’re in
I can’t see where you’re leading me but I will not resist

I’m gonna jump in
To the pull of Love
Abandoned
To the rule of Love

Incestuous Groupthink

I am a communication studies scholar. I am also a moderate politically. I was writing a short rant to a friend and decided to share it here. I don't do it as a slam on liberals or from a conservative perspective. I do it as an observer of media and culture... I was watching The Daily Show today and Jon Stewart is truly dumbfounded by the whole affair (Bush winning). I honestly believe that the fact that "the country is divided" is an illusion (that I was even starting to believe, and still do in certain ways) and the "liberal elitists" (as some would call them) have fallen for their own lines because they are feeding it to themselves. Those in media and entertainment have bought into their own incestuous groupthink. They believed everyone believes as they do simply because they are only in touch with themselves. Other voices do not have an outlet in media. So they believe that what they hear is all there is or at least all that should be. It's amazing when people on television actually believe what they hear on television!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Inaugural Address

To Whom it May Concern:

Life is but a vapor, a mist in the wind. Life is a journey, not a destination. There have been innumerable attempts at the explaining and expositing the meaning of life. It is elusive. We grasp for metaphors. We often come up empty-handed.

I have thought, in recent years, that life is like a race track, and each car is a different part of our lives--one relationships, another education, another career, still another spirituality, and everything in between--they all are represented. But no two cars can be winning at one time. I may put all my energies into scholarship at one moment, at the expense of every other "car" in the race. To focus on my girlfriend would be to take the focus off of my job, if only for a moment, or an evening. Nevertheless, the possibility for being caught in the thought of her whilst performing any other task would also prove out this metaphor: only one car can be winning. There are pit stops; there must be. But you get right back in the race again.

This metaphor was the product of a very busy time in my life, a time of great accomplishment and great failure. But it has had it's day.

Today my Sweetest Honey presented to me a new metaphor: Life is both long and short. It's long because we're always waiting, to turn 13, 16, 18, 21, to graduate college, to marry, to have children, for them to hit the milestones, to have grandchildren. We are always looking forward to something, and once we "arrive" at that mile marker we look ahead to the next. But life is also short. Having reached a few mile markers myself, I can look back and see how quickly the once anticipated future has become the fondly remembered past.

I like this view. Not only does it allow you to look forward and press on, to look back and sigh, but having done that it helps you also to live in the now. It gives perspective. It makes now more valuable, more precious, of more import. This very second was once a moment I looked forward to and will soon be a time I look back on. I must live a life worthy, now, of the hope I hold for the future. I must hold this moment with the same gratitude and dignity that I hold my history.

I believe:
You are who you are by what you have done;
And what you do now forms who you become.

Life is a precious gift that we must cherish and share. That truly is the long and short of it.

The American Dream

Today we vote. We look at the candidates, the propositions and the issues. We search our hearts and we cast our ballots. We are electing people to act on our behalf as our representatives in government. We are commissioning them to do a job, entrusting them with a solemn responsibility to act in the best interest of America and its citizens in upholding our Constitution and working within it to realize the American dream.What is the American Dream?The American Dream is seeing possibilities, realizing potential and making progress individually and as a nation. Yes, we hold freedom dear, freedom to pursue the Dream. But we also understand our duty to protect that freedom, and not just from the threat of war, or terror. We must protect freedom from ourselves. We must guard against self-centeredness and use our freedom to serve others. We must guard against complacency and use our freedom to be vigilant in virtuous endeavors. We must guard against license and use our freedom to do what is right, not just what we feel like. Most of all, we must guard against pride and use our freedom to serve God and give Him glory.Yesterday was All Saints Day, a time to remember the saints (a fancy word for Christians), past and present, and glorify God for what He’s done in them, through them, and for our fellowship with each other. There are so many stories of Christians who have expected great things from God and attempted great things for Him. They used the freedom that Christ bought them on the cross to do more than “hide it.” They lived their lives using their freedom in Christ to serve. Many have given up their lives in sacrifice for the sake of souls and the glory of God. Legacies have been left for us to honor and emulate.As we critic and commission candidates and consider how history might see them, and as we reverently remember the real yet revolutionary believers who have gone before us, can we also consider our own hearts and our daily lives? How will history see you and me? What are we doing to make a difference? Because we trust in Jesus we are free; the bondage of sin and death is broken. But what are we doing with our freedom? “You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God” (1 Cor. 6:19-20, NIV).How are you using your freedom to honor God?